Zie

So, I’ve realized something. I am in catch-22 when it comes to Caffeine. It’s damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Why? Well, first and foremost, caffeine prevents my migraines due to my addiction to it. So yesterday when I felt one of those damn things trying to crop up on me before I went to my gaming night with friends, I had a small glass of iced coffee. Then, last night, like an idiot, I decided that Pepsi was a good idea, and I had 2 glasses of that.

Now the other side of the coin is that because my body is SO small, caffeine has a very bad effect on my ability to sleep! And since gaming night lasted past 8, I actually should have stopped the soda around 7, but decided not to. That was my own fault, and I’m aware. So. Result is: Probably an accumulative 2-3 hours of sleep. But I did have a few extra issues last night that didn’t help. I had carpal tunnel issues from typing/crocheting. I think the dice game we played last night didn’t help either, but that’s okay. So I had to ice my wrist, and then, of course because of all my fluids, I had to get up several times to pee, and it was almost always right when I was finally gonna get to sleep.

Then of course, medicine aside, I kept thinking about these damn scenes from Descendants 3, one of the being that whole thing with Evie and Doug. Now I kinda wanna write a fanfic for those two, but I wouldn’t know what to write that would focus on just them. I’m so used to the four original VKs always being together in a story, I wouldn’t know how to separate them. It would be entire too strange for me. So unfortunately, I don’t think any of them will get their own stories, but maybe stories where they are central focuses? Beware Your Wishes was written specifically for Carlos as my way of dealing with the death of Cameron Boyce. This fic, which I have not titled yet, has more of a spread out focus. It focuses mostly on Stephanie finally finding her place in Auradon among the “characters” that she’s fantasized about being friends with. Of course the mysterious woman is there now to screw with that, but of course we need an antagonist. But since this is a Disney fandom, I am trying to keep it from getting entirely too dark.

But the VKs that she interacts with go beyond the main four, which I think is only natural. My favorite part of it all is having her interact with Harry Hook, Gil, and Uma. Harry’s kinda “adopted” her a sort of little sister. Considering having CJ Hook make an appearance, but I’d need to read her Wiki because quite honestly, I don’t remember her personality…or how old she was supposed to be. I think they were twins, her and Harry, but I’m not quite sure.

Today after Church, I am going to a double feature. Going to see Abominable and Judy. 😊 Looking forward to them both! But more so Judy since it wasn’t promised I’d get to see it due to how limited that release was. I think they’re going to regret that decision down the road to be honest.

But you know what I’ve honestly been thinking about? That damn fall I had a couple of weeks ago. Why? Because I wanna know what kept me from hitting my head when I was so close to the toilet. I initially told my friend Alex that I believed that Cameron Boyce kept me from hitting my head. Honestly, it could have been. I’ve been thinking a lot about him. I’ve become….obsessed with his work. I feel like it should have happened sooner, but the truth hurts. I didn’t care much for Luke Ross, the character where I was first introduced to Cameron. He was super annoying. And in retrospect, that was the real point of the character, to be the annoying older brother figure to his younger brother and sister, Ravi and Zuri. So now I’d love to get my hands on Jessie again, and give it another shot.

And of course, there are the Descendants movies. Which I have now rewatched more times that I can count since his passing. I just don’t want to let go of him. I feel…creepy? But I don’t know, really. I’ve also listened to the soundtracks so much I can recite most of the music’s lyrics in my sleep…(with the exception of Cameron’s rap portion of “Good to Be Bad”, ironically)

But I swear to God, I heard him the night I fell, say something like, “Whoa… I’ve got you…” and then I woke up. Having no idea what actually happened or how I got on the floor. Equally bad, I think, when I picture this scenario, he’s dressed as Carlos.

Now I did have scenario a LONG while back when I was living with Lexi, where I nearly fell backwards down her stairs, and I physically felt Zack (from the Final Fantasy fandom) push me forward so I didn’t fall, along with him saying something comforting.. but I don’t remember what those words were exactly. And it wasn’t Zack’s voice actor.

So is it possible? Probably. I have long believed in angels, and in the fact that they probably come to us in forms that we’d be comfortable with. So if Cameron came to me in the form of Carlos de Vil, then that would make loads of sense, though hopefully he would know that he didn’t have to do that. Then again, maybe I was so sick and dizzy, maybe I hallucinated the whole thing… lol… I really wish I knew.

Okay, gotta get going now, and get ready for Church. See you guys a bit later. Probably after Abominable unless I have time to write after church.

So the last couple of days I've been dealing with on again, off again headaches. Still waiting to hear back from my doctor's office about a referral for a neurologist. If I do not hear anything by Friday, I will be trying to call them on Monday. I am really praying that these headaches have nothing to do with my shunt. I am going to assume they don't since nothing shunt-malfunction-like has actually happened in years since my last revision at the age of 13.  I called out of my bible studies today so I could rest up for Mahjong and SATCH tomorrow night. Last night I had a semi-migraine in that I caught it in time for it not to be too bad. 

My health aside, I've gotten more bad news from the whole situation with my sister-in-law. Her father sent my mother a very nasty letter. Telling her to stay away from Ashley, not to contact her, or her daughter, Alicia. He also criticized everything Mom and Dad did for them, and accused them of telling Daniel not to pay rent so that they'd be forced to move to Florida. Nothing he said was true, and I am so damn furious.  Shortly after she received it, I discovered that Ashley had blocked me from seeing her on Facebook at all, so I have now lost any connection to my niece. To be honest, I am seriously heartbroken. 

We have no idea what, if anything, Daniel knows about what's going on. He's not calling us or writing us back. We've sent two letters, and have gotten no responses. We're pretty damn sure he's been in contact with Ashley, unless she's cut off contact with him as well, because her father also criticized Daniel for what he did.  I never liked her father and I never will try to again. I'm just so...hurt.  I can't imagine what my mother is feeling as Daniel's mom, and Alicia's grandmother.  Anyway..... I can't talk about this anymore because I'll really start crying again.